Chef Aid

South Park

1998: Sony/Columbia CK 69790

1. South Park Theme

   Primus

2. Nowhere to Run (Vapor Trail)

   The Crystal Method, with Ozzy Osbourne, DMX, ’Ol Dirty Bastard, & Fuzzbubble

3. Chocolate Salty Balls (P.S. I Love You)

   Chef

4. Brad Logan

   Rancid

5. Come Sail Away

   Eric Cartman

6. Kenny’s Dead

   Master P

7. Simultaneous

   Chef

8. Will They Die 4 You

   Mase, Puffy, Lil’ Kim, & System of a Down

9. Hot Lava

   Perry Farrell & D.V.D.A.

10. Bubblegoose

    Wyclef Jean, featuring Stan, Kyle, Cartman, & Kenny

11. No Substitute

    Chef

12. Wake Up Wendy

    Elton John

13. Horny

    Mousse T. vs. Hot ’n’ Juicy

14. Huboon Stomp

    Devo

15. Love Gravy

    Rick James & Ike Turner

16. Feel Like Makin’ Love

    Ned Gerblansky

17. The Rainbow

    Ween

18. Tonight Is Right For Love (With Meredith Baxter-Birney)

    Chef & Meat Loaf

19. It’s a Rockin’ World

    Joe Strummer

20. Mephisto and Kevin

    Primus

21. Mentally Dull (Think Tank Remix)

    Vitro, with the cast of South Park

Well. Um. I really shouldn’t concede that I even own this, let alone that I sing along with “Chocolate Salty Balls” with unfettered raunchy delight (and inexcusable gestures), but the truth is that I do and I do. However I must clarify that I don’t enjoy the entire album…in fact it’s almost exclusively the Isaac Hayes “Chef” tracks that I so groove on. They’re so unapologetically extreme and so over-the-top (“cheeky” doesn’t even begin to describe these) that it feels great to just dissemble and laugh through the worst (and intentionally so) excesses of the lyrics. That the musical derivation and quality is scarcely an issue is I suppose a testament to the severity of extremes here.

So that covers “Chocolate Salty Balls,” “Simultaneous,” and “No Substitute,” all of which are deliciously hilarious (and brilliantly tight in their production too, which doesn’t hurt). Beyond those three, I do quite like Perry Farrell’s “Hot Lava,” a nicely zany venture niftily tricked out with scratching/sampling rhythms that sound as if R2D2 were the guest rapper.

“Tonight Is Right for Love” is pretty goddamned funny too, but you really have to be in the mood for its silly extremes. “Love Gravy” is awfully juicy and nasty but after all it’s not Chef’s standard version—really that’s my only complaint about it, otherwise this is pretty great fun. And of course everybody knows that Eric Cartman’s destruction of “Come Sail Away” is the absolute antidote to the original.

But that final track, “Mentally Dull [Think Tank Remix],” rivals “Chocolate Salty Balls” (have I mentioned that I love that track?) for the coveted title of Worth the Price of the Album Alone. It’s great, great, great, and fucking HILARIOUS.

“Just a weensy, eensy, woo-woo?”
“Oh my god, they killed Kenny!”
“You bastards!”
“Oh my god, they killed Kenny!”
“What kind of sick wierdo are you?”
“Oh my god, they killed Kenny!”
“Say something, Mr Hankey!”
“—AAAAAIIII—”
“Oh my god, they killed Kenny!”
“Dude, Kenny is dead!”
“Dumb-ass!”
“What a retard!”
“Fatso!”
“HEY!”
[ka-CHUNK] “Dude—”
“Don’t be such a little wuss!”
“Fruitcake!”
“Bitch…”
“NO I’M NOT ACTING LIKE A FREEEEAAAKKKK!!!!!”

Magical.

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Comments © 2006 Mark Ellis Walker, except as noted, and no claim is made to the images and quoted lyrics.